It’s official …

I had a court hearing today at which the “official” Psychiatric report was presented and my son’s “official” condition was announced. The information did not reach me easily, and it still hurts.

It is nothing that I didn’t know already … but it still hurts.

I formed this “sister blog” to try to make sense of it all. But try as I might, the words do not come easily either, and I am still procrastinating with introductory crap. Try as I do to write more, I become entangled in the words and they stick in my throat and paralyse my fingers and blur my eyes with tears. I typed at my laptop as I sat in the Court this morning, but I know I am trying too hard.

I want to be savvy, and profound, and quick-witted, and sharp-tongued, and clever.

But cleverness doesn’t feel appropriate when you are presented with “official” findings spouting clever phrases of their own, such as, “…shows behaviours consistent with a diagnosis of Socialised Conduct Disorder … high risk of progressing to adult Antisocial Personality Disorder … no known effective treatment …Boo and Alice have a dysfunctional relationship … most likely he blames his mother for the state he finds himself in … wouldn’t advise a return to Alice’s care.”

43 pages of cleverness that blurred into the words, “You failed your son, Alice. You were given one mission in life – just one – and you failed.

Massively.”

© Alice through the Macro Lens [2014]

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One comment on “It’s official …

  1. Such hard words to hear… After a lifetime of loving him and another lifetime to continue… Here for you… Karen x

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